So, Here I am again.

I slacked like nobodies business for several months there.  I sort of feel like Hank Moody but less successful and less successful with women.  For the 80 percent of you who won’t get that reference.  Open your minds to the world around you!

So there is a motto, that isn’t even really a motto, but something that I currently wish to live my life by: Leave good for great.

It is simple, like a haiku, or a e.e. cummings poem, but has the tic-tac potential of blowing minds and parking garages.

So I’ve been working on my Bill Cosby impersonation.  It isn’t going well.  I can do Scottish without blinking, My aussie is awesome, My Rooskie will make my future nephew proud, and British? pur-lease, I have moved on to doing specific dialects from different parts of England.  But Bill.  Damn dirty Bill Cosby.  I just CANNOT get it down.  It is like the holy grail of impersonations!  It is my highest goal! Above saving the rainforest, marrying Yao Ming’s cousin Mao, or even renaming Connecticut after my thirdborn child Tilapia!

Which reminds me of a few superlatives of my counter-argument.  No that doesn’t make any sense grammar nazis, that is the point.  Loosen up and throw some cross-adverbial-paraphrasing-imperatives in your language bread salad.  But my point:  If I ever make it to childbearing, very unlikely since I am counting the days to the 25-to-snip, I am going to tack a Jr. onto my child where it doesn’t make any sense.  Like: Roosevelt D’Artagnon Sewell Jr.  People will be like “So Roosevelt D’Artagnon?  Is that a family name?” and my son will retort “No, my dad’s name is Broc Ardvark Throwing-Knives Sewell”  Just to sort of throw people off and defy expectation.  Which is sort of why I exist really.

Totally plan on changing my name.  Because Jason sucks the hindquarters of a baby mule-moose.  I like Broc though.  Even though I think it is weird when people say it.  Ya, awkward.  Made even more awkward with the statistical fact that everyone’s subliminally favorite word in their language is their own name being spoken.  ya, I’m an oddity.

If I was a robot I would be the one with the vestigial tail and weird extra arm that all the other robots laughed at during routine maintenance.  That and my bolts would probably be crooked.

SO.  I’m going to Japan.  I am going to start making videos and send the raw footage to a Pirate I know to create episodes entitled “Why Broc Shouldn’t Nipon”

It will be about My journeys and travels and hoodwinking spelunkery into the cavernous abyss of cultural mystery, intrigue and the occasional sashimi break.

So, My sister is naming her child after a Character in my book.  Not the one I am writing now, but the other one, my series of novels.  He is one of two main characters.  She didn’t know it at the time, she just asked me for a cute Russian name to name her half-rooskie buhbay, and I thought, “why here ya go, I happen to have that exact criterion right here!”  It was pretty cool.  Talk about pressure though, that means I have to make sure the book is successful or his name is going to be meaningless! if it hits like Harry potter, then he will have awesome bragging rights…hmmm.

By the by, his name is….oh…can’t say it.  My sister made me promise. 🙂

“If the average life expectancy of a manatee after digesting raw moray eel is 7 minutes, he probably made sure those 7 minutes were well worthy of the flavor.”

-Steve Irwin-