So i finished the chapter today.

If i wrote like this early on, i would have had the entirety of my book written in 3 months.  But not to worry, i shall not be pissing away my time (at least not ALL of it) from now on!  I like writing too damn much to be doing so.

Just one more chapter of moroseness,  then onto the screwed up train of healing.  Which is going to be the smallest portion of the book to be quite honest with you.  Losing the weight was by and FAR the easiest damn part of the entire affair.  getting to the point of realizing and WANTING to LOSE the weight was the difficult part. Notice the emphasis on wanting and lose.  Anyone with a weight problem WANTS the weight gone, just like anyone who is rubbing two nickels together DOESNT have 9 million 867 thousand dollars but WANTS it anyway.  If you would go down to that dirty ole nickel rubber and say, “hey, I have a way you can make that 9,867,000 carrot heads, but you are going to have to work your ass off for it.”

Of course, Mr. Nickels would probably say heck to the ya to such a reedy and presumptuous proposition.  Thats 9 million 867 thousand dollars!  I mean come on!

But the truth of the bear claw is this: Faced with the sheer difficulties of actually having to EARN that money versus just all of a sudden miraculously HAVING it one day are two entirely different emotions based on two entirely different trains of thought and wells of emotional perspective.  Captain 10 cents is probably going to realize that earning such a vast amount of skid-uh-muh-rinky-dink takes some serious train of thought, life changes, and discipline for success.

I’m sorry I cant sit here and say that I lost weight with two daily doses of “WeightShredder Turbo by Billy Mays” (R.I.P. Oxy Clean).  Things just don’t happen like that, and if you are honest with yourself I think you realized that a LONG time ago in life.

But yes.  This chapter.  Or the end of it anyway:

It was about naked dance music.  Something that i have never divulged to another human being i have written into a book that i hope to publish, market, and sell.  It was about my solo shower dance party in my birthday finest, with nothing protecting my modesty but resonant chirping of a bass line metronome and auto-tuning lyrical repetition.

I mean, i wrote about other things too, i just wanted to get the image of an approximate quarter ton (450 lbs.) jiggling jamboree that took place in the deep steamy recesses of Casa De La Beta.  It wasn’t pretty, but even then, i could cut a serious rug.

To other things. Daily topic that bother me today.  I was at the laundromat and I love how respectful international students are.  they don’t small talk, because they don’t speak great English anyway, so I don’t have to provide casual banter while I wait for my tighty-whities to fluffen up.  Which is a terrific set up por moi.

I don’t actually wear tighty whities per se, but it was all for the sake of a compelling image and argument.

….maybe.

I just don’t like to produce small talk.  If i KNOW im going to be interacting with you a lot, i will power on through it and get as soon as possible to grounds of normalcy.  For me those are usually pretty weird grounds.  I am a strange cat most days.  So i usually say something inappropriate too soon and make someone uncomfortable.

Call me an introvert, but i don’t want to talk to someone just to pass the time unless it is something I WANT to do.  I’m talking about fill-in-the-gap-ers.  Those select many who always have to be saying something, that can’t take silences.  Don’t get me wrong, I like chirping along with the best of them, but if things go quiet, i am more than okay with it.

Some people on the other hand have to fill every moment with idle prattling.  I don’t think any less of them, or get necessarily annoyed by it, i understand it is just a part of their character, I just can’t fathom why they have to keep talking, or why silence makes them so uncomfortable.  Perfect example: Matt Choquette.  I have called the guy while he has been watching a movie or playing a video game and intentionally told him that I am “leaving the phone” for a little bit….just to listen and laugh as he continues to talk to himself without missing a hitch.

 

The only time I ever feel uncomfortable with silences are in an elevator full of 4 to 5 complete strangers.  Even then I don’t know if it is the quiet, or the fact that everyone seems so tense and wondering if they should say something to break the silence or if they should just wait for someone else to do it.

I like making strange noises that do not make any sense at that time, just to make everyone feel more uncomfortable.

Inappropriate Rim Shot anyone?

 

“It’s amazing how much of an elevator we can fit into our own head”

-Bernadine Scruples-