Jackie Chan Versus Pile of Leaves

I am going to spend this entire blog comparing Jackie Chan to a Pile of Leaves.

First Up, Jackie Chan. Born April 7 1954 in Hong Kong.

Pile of Leaves: Born once every year under every Deciduous tree in existence….in the world.

Jackie Chan: Born Chan Kong-Sang

Pile of Leaves: Born….Pile of Leaves, slight variations across every world language, but core name remains intact.

Jackie Chan: has starred in over 100 films over an illustrious career of weird martial arts films.

Pile of Leaves: Been Present in every Romantic Comedy, Nature Documentary, and Film about trees.  But only ever as a secondary role.  Only had one line over his career.

Jackie Chan:  Been to the North Pole

Pile of Leaves: Can’t exist on Poles of any kind, land formation or otherwise.

Jackie Chan: Has a well-kept house and home, a clean and clear conscience, personality, and lifestyle.  No one has to take care of him and he can do yoga.

Pile of Leaves: Has to be raked constantly to exist.  Feels bad about the constant raking. Occasional smoker.  More of a free spirited dancer

Jackie Chan:  Has a great following among younger generations, but generally pisses off old people.

Pile of Leaves: Has great interest among younger generations, but generally pisses off old people.

Jackie Chan: Spent a lifetime of honing his body and stupid expression skills.

Pile of Leaves: Only has 5-10 seconds of unaided movement.  The only expression he can do is “dead.”

Jackie Chan: Has all but two of the original 151 pokemon cards in his collection.

Pile of Leaves:  Occasionally gets Pokemon cards lost inside of him.  Currently has 472 Geodudes.

Jackie Chan:Luckily Doesn’t need Geodude.

Pile of Leaves: Wouldn’t give it up anyway.

Jackie Chan:Children are afraid to get punched by him, instead they ask for his autograph.

Pile of Leaves: Children roll in him with reckless abandon, never even asking for so much as a name.

Jackie Chan: Once ran for governor and lost horribly.

Pile of Leaves:Knows where every governor lives and blackmails accordingly.

Jackie Chan:  At any time of day, may contain trace amounts of urine or poo.

Pile of Leaves: Definitely contains both urine and poo.

Jackie Chan: An accomplished ballroom dancer, has one over 7 dancing competitions in Cairo, New York, Hong Kong, and Shanghai.

Pile of Leaves: Only knows Sway.  Never been recognized as a dance by an accredited dance board.

Jackie Chan: Will probably be in a theater near you in the near future.

Pile of Leaves: Already getting into your house.

Jackie Chan:  The last person who stepped on him got a palm-fist combo to the jugular, resulting in permanent DNA reconfiguration

Pile of Leaves: Has spent his entire life being stepped on.  Trying to learn how to step back.

Jackie Chan:  If he gets into your pants he better have your permission.

Pile of Leaves: Will take second base with ruthless, itchy efficiency, regardless of your consent

Jackie Chan: Can hold his breath for nearly 7 minutes while fending off a troupe of baby sea otters.

Pile of Leaves: Can hold its breath for 8, and has a natural alliance with all sea mammals.

Jackie Chan: Can stealthily sneak up on anyone with Ears, has to be searched for to be found.

Pile of Leaves: Sneaks up on Summertime.  Can disguise itself as a “Less piley” pile of Leaves.

Jackie Chan: Will fill stupid and foolish when he flying lotus kick’s a leaf.

Pile of Leaves: Apathetic toward all flying lotus attacks.

Jackie Chan:  Will one day die.

Pile of Leaves:Will repeatedly lay on all of our graves, Including Jackie’s.

Pile of Leaves wins.

Word of Wisdom:

“I rolled in a pile of leaves and found 25 cents and the inspiration for the Polio Vaccine.  I knew then I had made a lifelong friend and ally.”

-Jonas Salk-

One thought on “Jackie Chan Versus Pile of Leaves

  1. Ah, but does death not give life meaning? Is our life not all the more great and beautiful because of Death’s imminent visit?

    Do we not find meaning in those we love, and those who love us back while we’re still here? Do we not find meaning in the beauty that live gives us, including in the pile of dead leaves?

    The pile of leaves may be here forever, and he may lie on our graves, but in our lives we may find the simple enjoyment of that pile of dead leaves – our lives may be enriched by that which has already passed it’s prime in life.

    Our bodies are but vessels for our souls, that which we draw inspiration from every day, that is as much connected to the people we love as the leaves and the air and the grass.

    Every man dies. No man truly leaves.

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