We All Want to Be Famous, but You Only Make it if You’re Left-Handed

So I know, I sucked it up.

I haven’t written in a long time, but in my defense, this was my November experiment, and one in which I passed pretty well (besides the Thanksgiving hiatus, which including detox, arguments with an Italian, and 3 hours of constant eating) But I am back, hopefully for good.

So it got cold.  This morning was sort of like riding an old tugboat through through a pond made of manure flavored Icee.  One of the many drawbacks of Oklahoma, the constant smell of manure in the early winter.  There is a lack of smell producing items during this time of year, trees are dead, the cold air cuts down on how far exhaust travels (possibly) and there is left but one thing…the ripe ever pervading scent of manure.  Mostly the cold though.  I keep hissing at my window.  You know when it is chilly when you show signs of aggression toward the first structural signs of weakness.

No I don’t own a tugboat. Stop asking.

In any case.  I am going through a minimalist phase right now.  Which is a good thing.  I think it has something to do with my imminent departure to Japan, in which case I am taking next to nothing.  I have never been much of one for knick-knacks, but I have acquired several over the course of my life.  I’m thinking about throwing them off a bridge…that is right. Every photograph and frame, every poster, rubix cube and novelty cup and letter opener….off a bridge.

Then my really big TV, off of Edmon Low into a crowd of waiting college students with the mindset of, “if i catch it, I can keep it” in which case, they lolfail, followed by smashy.  Which isn’t really what I would be going for, but it would occur nonetheless.  Or I could sell it…..

…nah

But ya, the minimalist thing.  I tore off all my keys and dilly dallies on my keychain and now it consists of: House key, Car Key, Mailbox Key, and Carabiner.  Which i must say, is liberating,  not to mention pocket slimming.

Then I got a new wallet, with like 4 things in it. Just the way I like it.  I want to tear all the posters off my wall, but I want something besides whitewash underneath.  But Chewbacca stays….He doesnt fit into the realm of minimalism.  He is something special.

List of what I am taking to Japan:

1)Clothes-underwear, socks, 5 pairs of shoes, 20 or so woot shirts, and 7 dress shirts, possibly a suit, and pants and shorts

2)My computer

3) My xbox (have to keep in touch)

4)Router

5)Camera

6)Camcorder

7)Timbuk2 Bag.

 

That is it.  Now there are a few bits and bobs (like a passport) that I will be taking, but for the most part, that is it.

I’m going to sell absolutely everything, give my truck back to my crazy arse grandmother (love that woman), and hit the airplane cushion.

Speaking of minimalism, I have minimal feeling in my right fingers.  Just the tips though, the rest of the hand is okay.  My left hand never falters.

 

Topic of the Night:  Left Handed Racism.

I know that us Southpaws are only 8 percent of the population, and therefore an effective minority, but I demand some equal treatment!  I mean, left handed scissors, left handed notebooks, left handed Zoos, left handed steering wheels….NONE exist in easy access!  We are the unsung minority, we get no preferential treatment, and we are constantly mocked with lowbrow humor! (you are writing with your “wrong” hand, you are supposed to use your “right” hand….get it? guffaw)

I would say that we should start a war over our oppression, but being only 8 percent of the population, our odds don’t look good for victory.

But my vigil shall not stop.  I shall never surrender!  I wont quit until we get our own parking spaces and sandwich orientation!  hear hear lefties! unite!

 

Word of Wisdom:

“Everyone is born right handed, only the greatest overcome it.  Everyone else is a terrorist.”

-Vivaldi-

 

 

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