Formal Footwear is For Telling Lies

So I am back.

I took a 7 day break from blogging for Thanksgiving.  I still wrote quite a bit on my book in case you were wondering (you were….dont lie) so never fear!

So i have a confession to make.  It is a deep, dark, terrible secret that I am ashamed to admit, and I’m sure it will get me a lot of flak in the long run from several sources of dissension…but I need to come clean.  Both for your sakes and mine own, I need to tell the truth.

I love being Rick Roll’d.

There….I said it.  Man o Man.  That is a load off my chest.  It is cathartic to let the world know my deep dark secret!

In fact, I have replayed that song like 5 times in a row now as I am writing this.  I just love it for some reason.  At first, you know when it first started occurring and hadn’t really become a meme.  I would see some fantastic claim on youtube like “the alternate ending to the sixth sense where Bruce Willis ISN’T a ghost!!”  And i click it, thinking “oh Bruce! what sort of Tom-foolery is a Rapt Scallion like you going to get up to now?”  And then it is this video.

At first I was just sort of confused….waiting for Bruce to appear.  I could plausibly see why the ending of The Sixth Sense would be a music video.  I just figured Bruce, or at the very least Mr. Osmeth, would be present in some sense.  (haha, pun….sense)

But nope.  Just a song that sprouted up like a venereal disease without a cure and an auditory transmission rate.  It doesn’t have a cure…because no one wants one.

Which brings me to tonights topic:  GOOD Diseases

It just struck me, why are diseases always a bad thing?  Why aren’t there diseases that IMPROVE something on our bodies or minds?  Like instead of parkinson’s, you can get Patterman’s, which increases your dexterity to the point that you make the best surgeon in the world look like a nerve wracked undergrad.

I can see it now.

“The results are back Mr. Beverage, and I’ve got some good news and some bad news.  Since this is a hospital, I’ll start with the bad news first.  You have dysentery.  The next two weeks are going to find you completely miserable and within a twelve foot radius of a very sturdy commode.  Now for the good news…..brace yourself….you have WillyNillyitis.  Your singing ability will shoot through the roof, you will be the most beautifully sounding thing on the planet.  You will be somewhere between the harpsichord played by God and Celine Deon after seven straight hours of green tea. That is right, it is confirmed.  I double, and triple checked my work.  I am 100 percent positive that you are WN positive.  There is no cure.

But NO, diseases are always terrible, or at the very least, a few month/year nuisance that we have to drop kick with modern medicine.

That ends today.  Starting on the morrow, I am going to develop a strand of potent terminal illness that allows you to instantly alter your height at will.

It will be a revolutionary start for a turning point in permanent, life altering, strands of immune altering code.

Instead of diseases, I’ll call them yespleases.  Instead of vaccinated, people will line up to get infected.  It is true, some people might think this offensive, but is it so wrong to dream of helping people WITH disease?

Word of Wisdom:

“Taking offense is sort of like yelling at someone who pays in cash because you pay with credit.  The bill still gets paid either way.”

-Dustin Hughchecker-

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